On popsicles and potato chips

China was made for my amusement. I don't necessarily mean that in a possessive way, like I'm so special that China was made specifically for me. Rather, I mean a person who appreciates the hilarious cultural miscues and oddities that arise from this country would be right at home. A day will not pass without some hilarious encounter, as China has a never-ending supply of things to laugh about. Sometimes it's the Chinglish I encounter. Other times, it's the odd products/flavors/brand names/foods/etc. that I encounter. And then there's always the Chinese people with their particular behaviors and curiosities that I encounter. Capturing the multitudes of amusing things is all but impossible, but I've at least broken down the general categories. And since I'm particularly fond of lists, I'll do another list. 

1. Chinglish

Perhaps it's bad grammar. Or maybe poor spelling. Or maybe it's just plain incomprehensible. You've seen the signs and advertisements I've posted pictures of, but this is just a fraction--a tenth of a tenth of a percent--of what I see. Generally, the Chinglish is found primarily within three major areas: clothing and accessories, signs, and food labels/other product packaging.

Clothing is always exciting because that's usually where the best Chinglish is. The words on shirts, bags, and other items generally revolve around the topics of love, being happy everyday, or some combination of the two. There's still room for creativity, though. Creativity, or oblivious mistakes--sometimes it's hard to tell. At any rate, here are a few gems I've seen:

-A shirt with an American flag on it and the letters "U.S.N."

-A sweater with "Colifornia" on the sleeve

-A shirt proclaiming "Better late than ever."
-A shirt with a picture of a woman next to the words "Donald Duck." Below this, the declaration "Walt Dishey is dead."

And there are always shirts with spelling fails. Many of them. A typical shirt in this category might read something like, "Love is arnndle."

Recently, I saw a bag belonging to a student of mine. As I studied it sitting on her desk, I noticed it had a world map. From experience, I knew there would be errors and set out immediately to find them. I've found that maps of this kind (ones found on bags, shirts, packaging, etc.) are, without exception, filled with geographical and/or spelling mistakes. Maybe Africa will be shaped like a lop-sided waffle. Or South America will be equivalent in size to Australia. Mexico more closely resembles a wedge. Those kinds of things. This particular map had spelling errors. Not just small errors, though. Egregious ones. To the best of my recollection: New York was spelled "Riv York." Chicago was "chdicago." Houston was "hjiastoun," Washington, D.C. was "wxington," and San Francisco was "sanfcrisco." 

Amusing.

Many clothing items may be correct in their English, but they are still odd. The chosen phrases, sentences, and words are especially mysterious and amusing. Some examples:

-A shirt saying "Let's make out."

-A shirt saying "Talk nerdy to me." 

I will admit that last one was clever. 


Other shirts are beyond comprehension. The words may be spelled correctly, but the particular words chosen have nothing in common and their order is baffling. These shirts are so inscrutable that I can't even come close to remembering what any of the ones I've seen have said. But to give you an idea:
"Most excellent outdoor" above a picture of a camel, and the words "attraction desert for mobile accomplishment" written below. 


Or maybe this: 
"Success finds you happy for the go go," written above the equally enigmatic phrase "ultra future success divisions." 

Mostly, it seems that the popular demand for clothing with English on it is the culprit. Since it is a mark of style, apparently, to have clothing with "English" on it, numerous producers have churned out various items to meet the demand. Never mind most of it is way off--but I don't mind, and I know the Chinese don't (because they probably don't know the difference). I love seeing the interesting things the shirts have to say. Plus, it's always a good reminder to know that love really is arnndle.

Food labels and other products are always a good source of humor too. A short stroll through the local store will yield such products as crain of corn, peeled of tomato, and "bread flavored" bread. My favorite brand would have to be Bimbo-they make breads and other pastries. 

And of course, there are plenty of signs boasting proud but oblivious mistakes. Check here for a whole site filled with more.

2. Foods   

More specifically, types of foods and their various flavors. Being a completely different culture, there are going to be some different foods that people eat. I get that. I can go to the store and get my chicken feet, my beef-flavored candy, or my spicy duck neck (also available in spicy duck foot, spicy duck tongue, and spicy duck wing). What's amusing to me, though, are the foods that we find in the U.S., but with different flavors. Strange flavors. For instance, I can get a popsicle. "Great!" you say. Wrong. There is no chocolate, cherry, orange, grape, root beer, or even vanilla. Nothing like that, no. I can get pea, corn, or egg flavors though. Plenty of those. 

But maybe popsicles aren't your thing. Stroll over to the potato chip aisle, where you can find Lays chips in a variety of flavors: Lime, Blueberry, or Cucumber (described as "Cool and refreshing"), among others. Or get some Oreos. Ice cream flavor? Sure, why not? How about "green tea ice cream" flavored Oreos? (They're right next to the mellon flavored fruit-by-the-foot.) You get the idea. I've enjoyed trying new flavors (the blueberry potato chips were decent), but I'm not sure I can handle living in a world where there are no fruit-flavored popsicles. Although, the orange chocolate Chips Ahoy! cookies were delicious. I guess that is redemptive. Close call, China. I almost had to give up on you. 

3. Curious crowds

This is perhaps my favorite characteristic of the Chinese: their insatiable curiosity. I've noticed that if I ever stay in one spot for too long, a crowd gathers; I cause scenes. One on side, I feel a bit honored/awesome that my mere presence is enough to attract the attention of passers-by. On the other side, everyone is always watching you. Always. And it's not like I'm especially fascinating because of my personality or anything. It's because I'm a foreigner. A tall foreigner. A tall foreigner who sometimes does "strange" (i.e. normal for an American) things. 

And I see you watching me, silent old man on the bike. I see you. 

But that will not deter him. That will not deter anyone. It's like Field of Dreams, except that "If you build it, he will come," is more like "If you stay, they will gather." And I've gotten used to the fact that my attempts to speak Chinese with another for an extended period of time will yield a small crowd. A crowd that encircles you, silently. 

And they just watch and listen. Silently. They never say a word. They just watch. 

The freshmen at my school are particularly adept at this--the crowding and silent staring. There will often be outside events occurring where many students will gather, so I always like to check out what crazy things are happening (crazy meaning "why would people do this? Is this normal?"), and I like to see if my students are in the bunch. Invariably, I'll find some and start chatting with them. Then others will notice. I'll look to my left and see two others standing there, watching. Just watching. I'll continue my chatting, and more will gather. I hear a giggle and turn around. There are four more students, standing and watching. I am encircled by silent, staring students. They will respond (usually with significant giggling) if I ask them anything or say hello, but they will otherwise remain silent. They won't say a word unless I engage first. 

And they're always in pairs. Always. 

And then one will ask if she can have a picture, at which point the dam bursts. I am inundated with picture requests. I can only assume there are hundreds of pictures of me floating around out there. Maybe they can show some to their parents. "Mom, look! A foreigner!"

I love it though, and I will admit that I enjoy "inciting scenes" when I can--it's just so easy, and there's really nothing more endearing than when you find yourself encased in a circle of freshman students who have succumbed to their curiosity and crowded around you. 

Yes, I am a real foreigner. You're looking at a real foreigner.