Are you have girlfriend?

I mentioned before that one reason I love living in China is that I laugh everyday. Sometimes it comes from my students--their demeanor, their persona, their fashion, their personality...about a million things. They are a funny bunch, whether they are intentional about it or not. (Most Chinese, I'd say, have a pretty good sense of humor--my Chinese friends are often telling me (pretty funny) jokes and love to tease each other jokingly. While certain things don't translate, many forms of humor easily cross the linguo-cultural barrier. Much of the humor here is pretty similar to the US, actually. Hooray!).   


Other times, the things I laugh at most are the English translations. Approaching English from a Chinese mindset gives rise to the beautiful little gem collectively known as Chinglish. The grammar and tendencies common when speaking Chinese often do not yield an appropriate English translation when translated literally. To my delight, China is full of Chinglish (check here for a few examples I encountered when I had my camera with me.) and I am never disappointed. Most Chinglish ends up on clothing since it's quite popular to have clothes with English (or pseudo-English) writing. (Interestingly, as a fellow teacher pointed out the other day, you rarely see clothes in China that have Chinese characters on them. It seems as though most clothes are either without any writing, or they have English.) 


And then there are times when my laughter is from the wonderful collision of my students + Chinglish/still learning to speak English. I'd like to share with you some favorite things I've seen and heard, since it's just so wonderful. Enjoy:


At the beginning of each semester, during my first class, I end by giving my students an opportunity to ask me anything they like, after which they will get a rather bashful look on their face. Fortunately, I've been here long enough to know: a, there are three particular questions they all want to know first, and; b, these three questions are the source for their bashfulness. I think you can guess as to the nature of the three questions, but in case there's any doubt:
1. Do you have a girlfriend? 
2. How old are you? 
3. Would you marry a Chinese girl? 
After passing this first round of essential questions, we move on to less-important ones like "what's your definition of happiness?", and "What's your opinion about America's war in Iraq?"


I usually have the students write down their questions and give them to me to read anonymously because they'd never ask me in real-time (like that?)--that would make them too nervous. I also like to see all the questions they have since we usually only have time to answer a few in class. After class I pour over the different questions and pick my favorites. Below are just some, either written verbatim (as I still have the question with me), or recreated as best as I can recollect: 

Do you smoking?

Are you have girlfriend?

Are you like to eat Chinese food?

Are you like volleyball?

You wear too thin. Don’t you feel cold?

I want to know why do you so tall?
Do you drink tea? It is good for your healthy. 

How do you think about China?

How do you think of Chinese girl?

Teacher is tall and handsome. To me excited. (I know this isn't a question, but I felt that you'd appreciate the Chinglish in the second sentence. I also figured you might be interested in knowing that the first sentence pretty much sums up just about every compliment a student has ever given me, using those exact words.) 

These questions give a good example of pretty typical Chinglish I encounter daily, particularly the difficulty many Chinese have with properly conjugating words and getting the correct tense (two things that are completely absent from Chinese language). This has me thinking, and I've decided to devote an entire post to deconstructing Chinglish for you. I think it would be instrumental in understanding why Chinglish is just so wacky and simultaneously amazing and hilarious. Check back later.


The weekly journal assignments I give my students also provides a wealth of wonderful/hilarious things. Sometimes it's the Chinglish. Sometimes its the topics they choose to write about. Other times, it's the unexplainable, like one time when my student GE wrote her entire journal entry on a piece of tissue paper. The best part is that it was completely normal for her. My guess is that she didn't have any paper at the moment, so the thinking goes: why wouldn't a piece of tissue suffice? It's about as thick as Chinese paper anyway, right? Right. 


In one assignment, I asked students to name three people they considered to be the most successful in the world. "Mao Zedong", "mother and father", and "Bill Gates" were the overwhelming favorites, which isn't surprising in a culture where filial piety is paramount to pretty much anything, national leaders are beyond reproach, and Bill Gates's economic success is the envy of more than a few. 


The homework also yielded a few interesting comments from students, one in particular:


"Kobe Bryant is playing for the lakes. He is one of my very worship. Buffet, because everyone called he stock god....he success in it, so I also worshipped him. Stephen Hawking...though he is a wheel, could do [great things] in his life. I’m worship him." 


Before you assume my students are deifying Warren Buffet, you should note that 'worship' is almost certainly not the word this student meant. 'Adore' or 'admire' would probably have been his choice--but he didn't grasp this when he used his Chinese-English dictionary. 


This is another humorous part of teaching: when students choose the wrong English word when trying to find the English equivalent to the Chinese word they want to use. I once had a student tell me she made a gift for her friend. In her words, the gift was a "genial blanket." I think she meant 'warm'. Hilarious--a genial blanket. 


The paper and notebooks my students use will often have some funny or cute-like picture or saying on it. It's hard to explain in words, but you can imagine that notebooks and paper here have a kind of "happy, shiny, cute, lovey" quality. Just the other day, a message in the bottom corner of my student's paper reminded me, "Naver devate you passion to unmecessary thing" with a picture of a coffee mug next to it. Heed this warning, America. A different piece of paper from another student informed me that I should "remember the happiness time." Indeed I will. 


A few weeks ago I had the students do "How To..." presentations. Naturally, one presentation was on the topic of how to escape from a lion. A summary of the presentation follows:

How to catch a lion:

First: Two lions are hanging out

Second: Two lions catch people

Third: People run opposite

Fourth: Lions are tired

Fifth: People catch lions

And now for the Chinglish clothing, my favorite part of this whole post. I see great Chinglish on clothes all the time--the following examples are just from the last two weeks, so just know that I could post hundreds of times on this topic. Wonderful.

Chinese clothing with English falls into various categories. Many fall into the "legitimate" category, as they have English that's correct, although I often wonder why the maker of the shirt chose those particular words. For example:

Good Luck

________________

Wendy's

________________

I love Giraffes 

Some get a little stranger:

Why no eggs?

________________

Math sucks (which is actually kind of awesome)

Then you have the shirts that just seem to have English words. No spelling problems, no grammar--just words. There may or may not be any sensical meaning: 

smile happiness

________________

Tokyo Atom

________________

Macaron

Good taste 

from France
________________


Take 

Another category includes clothing with English that is close to failure, but has redeemable qualities. These clothing items are usually an interesting combination of incorrect spelling and grammar, and random/bizarre statements. This is my favorite category because it's as close to complete English failure as you can get before you are completely unable to discern the attempted words or sentences; you can still figure out what the shirt is supposed to say. For example:

Nestle Quik 

Checolate Malk

________________

Auburn Unicerste

WAR DAMN

EAGLE

And finally, you have the clothing with English that just doesn't make any sense. It's a stretch even to call it English. Some shirts have variations on a word. Others have what appears to be just a random string of letters:

youxxlyti inthe loves 

foayyhastowinttter the 

youxxly wesslyive 

theiixy louxxlulu

(This is not exactly what the shirt said--I couldn't remember it exactly--but you get the idea.)

________________

                  the

     f-stops hot

             godha

           pointof

view+moussey
________________


L'EVERY
LOUD HAS
ASILVER
SANFAN

I suppose I still have to decide if I should say anything to my students. You know, maybe to let them know that their supposed "English" shirt is in fact gibberish. 

But I probably won't. It's just too funny. 

Not all who wander are lost...but maybe that's just what they say.

One of my goals for my time living in China is to travel as much as I have the chance to. Considering this year as it draws to a close next month, I'd say that I've taken some significant steps in achieving that goal: seven weeks in SE Asia wasn't bad. Neither were any of the two-day trips I've taken to Beijing each month since September. 

And then there was the May Holiday. Yup, it just gets better and better. (Sure you don't want to live here?)

May holiday is roughly equivalent to Labor day in the U.S., and like other national holidays, no one has school. My particular school, in a move or either brilliance or laziness--I haven't decided--had decided to extend the holiday to an entire week, not just the three-day weekend that other schools bestow. With a week before me, I set my sights on Beijing for a few days of good wandering and exploring, to really break some new ground in this mammoth city. I also wandered over to Tianjin, another major city just Southeast of Beijing that has a sizable population (some estimates put it around 8-9 million people--small potatoes, really) and some neat architecture. As always, check my Flikr account for the full collection of my favorite photos. 

Gate of Heavenly Peace, located on the south side of the Forbidden City, just North of Tiananmen Square.

Mao's (seemingly) eternal visage

The gate from Tiananmen.

During the flag-raising ceremony at Tiananmen.

An army of a different kind: less influential and authoritative, but equal to their task nonetheless.

The Bird's Nest at Olympic Park.

The Water Cube at Olympic Park. 

At Nanluogu Xiang, a (clearly) busy street packed with neat shops and good street food. Full of young, hip, snarky Chinese, this area of Beijing seemed less like Mao's backyard and more like Soho in NYC. 

Ironically, Nanluogu Xiang, an area that has eschewed the ideals of Mao and his ilk more than most places, is home to one of China's last remnants of the Cultural Revolution. Here, one of Mao's many ubiquitous proverbs: '工业学大庆，农业学大寨，全国学解放军!' ('gongye xue daqing, nongye xue dazhai, quang guo xue jiefang jun!'), which means: 'For industry study Daqing, for agriculture study Dazhai, for the whole nation study the People's Liberation Army!' 

Another slogan from the Cultural Revolution, saying, '大立无产阶级' ('da li wuchan jieji'), meaning: 'establish the proletariat'. 

Many of Tianjin's buildings, like this one, are distinct reminders of a bygone era marked by strong European influence and control in the city. 

However that era of foreign influence in Tianjin might be considered by the Chinese, one thing is clear: it has left an indelible mark on the city's architecture. Strewn with European-style buildings of antiquity, many modern buildings are constructed to continue--or at least mimic--the architectural environs establish about a century ago by Western countries.   

The view of the river-front promenade, coming from the train station. The modern structure at left is a bridge--it's proximity to the traditional hotel at center serves as an example of Tianjin's fusion of the old and new. 

Arguably Tianjin's most iconic building, this impressive bit of design accents the sky in a way that only a cucumber might, should that cucumber be several hundred meters tall...and made of glass and steel. 

Historical Tianjin. Well, pseudo-historical. Aesthetically authentic (as far as I can tell) at the least, this busy section of the city has been faithfully recreated to resemble a more traditional China that, at one time, had been neglected in the name of modernity. 

The modern, uber-commercialized, Times Square-esque section of the city. Basically, a whole bunch of people and a whole bunch of stuff that China's burgeoning class of nouveau riche can spend their money on. The U.S. has many good things to offer the world--its hyper-commercialism, however, isn't one of them.

Quite possibly the best example I've seen of China's ever-present flirtation with copycat-ism. "Modeling" successful ideas and products from Western companies--or in many cases, blatantly copying the names, products, and ideas of those Western companies--the rampant problem (according to Western companies) of infringing on copyrights is a source for much debate, finger wagging, and humor. Want an iPood mp3 player or a Blockberry phone (endorsed by Obama, no less!)? Look no further. 

Look closely. 

Never far from the hearts and minds (or the computers and cell phones) of the Chinese, Big Brother keeps vigilant watch over its many subjects. Here, in unabashed declaration, the real world of China acknowledges--nay, embraces--its close proximity to the fictional world of Orwell's masterpiece.*

*I say this in jest, of course. The sad reality is that Big Brother is probably more apt a description than I wish to believe.  

This was an enjoyable trip that stretched me in new ways. Namely, I learned that it is possible to navigate China by yourself with relatively limited knowledge of Chinese, although I will say that it isn't easy. This country was not meant for backpackers. That's just the way it is. Housing is limited for cheap traveling, not to mention there's an almost complete lack of other travelers, or even people who speak English (obviously). If you've ever spent time backpacking, you'll know that the encounters with other travelers is an enjoyable, and sometimes necessary (for your sanity), part of the experience. After five or six days devoid of significant encounters with others, I was glad to return home. 

On the positive side, I spent a good five or six days without any major mishaps, handled hotels, trains, buses, and even an occasional "conversation" with locals. That is to say, I understood about 20% of what they said, but they just kept talking to me anyway. You have to admire the Chinese--they just stick with it. You might know three words, but they're going to talk to you. Always an enjoyable and humorous encounter.

It was a wonderful trip and I have no regrets--I would gladly do it again. As I spend more time living here, I look forward to more chances to travel in this incredible, fascinating, beautiful country. Stay tuned...

...and stay tuned for more frequent posts. I have so many little things I want to share--little posts, really. Be sure to check back frequently to see all the news posts I'll be putting up in the closing month. 

Until later.

Girls with boy names

And now for the best part about teaching English in China: student names. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the best student-chosen names for the Spring semester:

Note: The following names are categorized using my own methodology--the students are most certainly are unaware (at least for most names) of just how perfectly their names neatly reside within said categories of my own creation. All names are written as spelled by students.

The usual

Summer (x3)

Smile (x3)

Sky (x2)

July

June

Candy (x4)

Numbers

One 

Five 

Seven (x3)

Eleven

(Seven and Eleven actually sit next to each other in class, although it is apparent to me that this is just a coincidence--they seem to carry no knowledge of the multinational corporation of convenience stores of the same name.)

Girls with boy names

Bob

John

Fruit

Grape

Lemon

Apple

Cherry (x2)

Mango

Condiments

Hot Sauce

Jelly

Alternative spellings

Winni

Amily

Marry

Merry

Jary 

Carry (x2)

Close, but not quite

Mancy

Spancer

Mitchie

Mag

Christm

Brand Names (although I'm pretty sure they're unaware of it)

GE

Moen

Things you might associate with the Arctic Circle

Numb

Fir

Polar

Snow

Sea

Icey (x2)

Allusions to Landmark U.S. Supreme Court Cases

Roe

Synonyms for James Bond

Assassin

Lover

The parts of speech

  Basic nouns

  List

  Dove

  Rosebud

  Viola

  Bell

  Jury

  Poker

  Blue

  Jet

  Verbs

  Answer

  Power

  Echo (x2)

  Adjectives

  Dreamy

  Adverbs

  Forever

Nobility/divinity

King (x2)

Queena

Luna 

Too much creativity

Mena

Yosam

Joyee

Lusam

Ludy

Jicey

Klima

Thydorle

Carstin

IRian

Jimison

Hedy

Not enough creativity

Lady

Lest you all consider my students to be incredibly stupid, naive, or strange, I took upon myself the task of discovering (and subsequently sharing with you) the reasoning behind these name choices. What I discovered has almost completely legitimized, in my opinion, all but a few names (I mean honestly...Lover?). 

The answer to your question is yes, my students are fully aware that the name they've chosen is a number, or an adverb, or a condiment. To you and me, the name "Fir" might be strange and amusing, yet to the Chinese, it makes sense. Understanding this requires an understanding that Chinese names, unlike most Western ones (that is, as far as we are aware--let's be honest), are steeped in meaning. For example, Xueyou means "studious and friendly", while Qingshan means "celebrating goodness." Naturally, many students pick a name that carries with it (in their mind) a desirable meaning. Fir chose her name because she hopes "to be strong and sturdy like the Fir tree, unwavering under pressure." Candy is often chosen by girls who want to be "sweet and wonderful." I think you can guess what Dreamy had in mind. Understandably, many students chose a name that suggests strength, kindness, warmth, peace, leadership, or a number of other typically desirable attributes. And my students do realize these names are just for fun--July and Summer picked their names because, well, because that time of year is warm and there's no school. Makes sense. 

Some students pick a name because it's simple and easy to remember, like Sara or Jack. Others chose a name because it sounds like their Chinese name. Some will even take the letters from their Chinese name and use them to inspire or create their own English name (see Too much creativity, above). Maybe a student chose a name because it is something, or someone, they like or admire. For example, Snow likes the freshness and cleanliness of snow. Seven likes the number seven because it is lucky. Jet's name comes from Jet Li, a famous Chinese actor and martial artist. Poker likes Lady Gaga (the name Poker, of course, comes from Lady Gaga's hit song "Poker Face"). In any given class, the boys will often choose the names of their heros--which invariably are basketball players--hence the common occurrence of Kobe, James, Wade, Lebron, and Jordan. This also explains how Hot Sauce, Answer, and Assassin got their names--those are the nicknames of popular street basketball players from the And 1 street basketball circuit.

This new understanding has provided an interesting insight into the mind of my students. Bell (who I think actually meant Belle) wants to be a pretty and lovely girl. Blue loves the color blue. Simple, and it tells me a bit about what they desire or think of themselves. And this is good news, for I no longer doubt the proper neural functioning of some. I understand how and why Dove got her name, and it actually makes a lot of sense. Same for Rosebud. Not so sure for Thydorle. 

I've debated whether or not this has ruined the fun for me, now that I know for sure that Hot Sauce is fully aware of the condiment status of his name. Maybe it makes me a bad person--secretly hoping that Polar is oblivious to the odd nature of her name--but ultimately it doesn't matter. Assassin is still Assassin, and Numb will always be Numb, and calling their names in class will never get old. Here's to teaching English in China.