Fire cars and fly machines

As I've mentioned multiple times, one of the joys of teaching English in China is the continual exposure to Chinglish. I don't think it matters how long I've lived here--hearing Chinglish never fails to make me laugh. Through all the lessons and and classes I've taught in China, I've had the pleasure of accumulating loads of good Chinglish moments and it is my great pleasure to again share with you some of my new favorites, just from the last semester or two.

Last week in class we were talking about the future and what changes might come in the next several decades. I asked my students to make a list of some inventions they predicted would exist in the year 2040. What followed was a goldmine of Chinglish. Apart from some pretty unique and interesting ideas, the lists contained all the standard things you'd expect: time machines, interstellar travel and, naturally, reusable toilet paper. Here were my favorites, completely unaltered:

-move house

-change color clothes

-needn't gasoline car

-multi-function house

-touch the stars

-solar clothes 

-the people can fly in sky with some machine (no, it's not a plane--I asked)

-the battery can use forever

-the paper can wash your hair without water

-invite a bike that can ride in the sky and in the sea

-invite a cloth that swear it can make people in the winter more warm. and in the     

     summer more cool.

-the weather control construments

-intelligent robot

-regret medicine (this was popular--at least three other students put this exact item. 

     Apparently, it's medicine that can make you forget all your regrets in life)

-permanent power engine

-water instead of oil started the car

-time machine: an age can move through

-shine wall

-indifferent water

-the car can fly and the traffic is not crowd

-the world peace

-a pair of glass that we can see future when we put on it

-a cap can get a haircut when your hair need cut

-a pot can make food automatic when you want to eat

-a bag a flour you can't use up forever

-memory bread

-the shoes that have new function

-a gloves that have lot of power

-a T-shirt color can control. by people.

-a ring that have room in it's bosom 

-from gravity shoes

-people will live in the outside of space

-fly hot

-hide clothes (I think they meant invisibility clothes)

-a pair of glasses can therapy myopia

Now, there was one student who had such an amazing way with her English words that I wanted to specifically tell you about her list. The following give a great insight into Chinese-to-English translation and are a good example of how the Chinese language goes about describing certain nouns or ideas. I've taken the liberty of "translating" this student's English for you:

-the repeated use of toilet paper = reusable toilet paper

-cut all kinds of hair of the robot = robot barber

-through the ancient and modern future machine = time machine

-put on let people become thin clothes = figure-slimming clothes

You can't make this up.

The beauty of knowing English natively and having a significant knowledge of the Chinese language (both from study and daily interaction) is that I can actually learn a lot about Chinese and English from Chinglish. Many low-level students will write what is essentially a Chinese-style sentence, in English. That is, they'll basically construct a sentence using Chinese grammar and word order and then write the English words instead of the Chinese. I've actually learned a lot about Chinese language from this method, especially about grammar. I've also come to appreciate just how crazy and difficult English can be and I've developed a better understanding of why students make the common mistakes they do. At this point, when i hear or see Chinglish I can usually pinpoint the exact reason why the Chinese-to-English translation created that particular mistake. Pretty interesting...

Another activity I played in a different class is called the alibi game. In this game, I tell students about a "crime" that occurred the night before and that they are all suspects. With a partner, they must create an alibi to prove their innocence while the other students will interrogate them about their alibi. Here are the favorite alibis:

I was practice the kung fu last night.

I meet my best friend and we were went shopping in French last night.

We were died for a while, and we didn't know what happened, and didn't know who saved us today.

We were watch concert lived in Korea. And we backed this morning.

We were staying with aliens on outspace, we didn't on earth.

Jack Chan teached me Chinese Kung Fu.

Last night I joined in Zhang Jie and Xie Ha's weeding ceremony. 

That time we were play the badminton.

We were playing the card last night, so we can't the suspect.

And then there's the ol' "ask the teacher anything" Q&A that always yields some great Chinglish. Some favorites from this term:

-Why you foot is so big?

-Why your face so little?

-Why do you want to China?

-Can you speak Chinese? If you can, I think we will have a convenient talk.

-I want you can help me to improve my speaking English

-Can you speak something interest things in China?

-What's experience to make you feel relax in China?

-Are you get married with somebody?

-How old are your?

-What do you like China or dislike China

-Where are you come from?

-How long are you stay in China?

-Would like to drink milk?

-Do you like fishing, sleeping, and shopping?

-How about China in your mind?

-How long with you in China?

-Where are you come to?

-I want to you speak Chinese.

-Where are you?

-Could you make a self-introduce?

-I want to see you handsome!

-What's your favourate?

-What are you tellphone?

-What about you think us?

-Do you have the wife?

In one class, I was teaching idioms. We played a game where I had written a list of the endings of many common English idioms on the board. Then, I would write the beginning of one particular idiom and the students would have to guess the correct ending from the list. One idiom, "couch potato," lent itself to some funny madlib-esque non-sequiturs. When I wrote "couch" on the board, some students came up with some real gems regarding the proper match. The funniest part about it is that while the following are hilarious to me, my students (understandably) didn't understand what was so darn funny. Unfortunately, I think my knee-jerk reaction to bust out laughing may have been interpreted as mockery by a few. But what can I do? It was just hilarious to hear what endings my students thought would fit with the beginning "couch." My favorites:

couch...in the pants (from "ants in the pants")

couch...gets the worm (from "the early bird gets the worm")

couch...gathers no moss (from "a rolling stone gathers no moss")

Awesome. Or maybe you had to be there. 

And finally, I want to share a few things with you about the Chinese language that I absolutely love. First, I've discovered some wonderful Chinese idioms that I wanted to share. Being a person who loves the random and absurd humor of non-sequiturs, I thoroughly love the completely random nature of many Chinese idioms when translated into English. You'll see what I mean.

There are many four-character Chinese idioms, most of which are associated with some traditional story or myth that explains the meaning of the idiom. This is important since the four characters are associated with the story but by themselves usually give little or now clue as to the meaning of the idiom . Without an understanding of the story, I (as an outsider of Chinese culture) amcompletely at a loss--translating the four characters word-for-word into English only provides a random mess of words. Now, my favorite Chinese idioms (so far):

马马虎虎 (ma ma hu hu) = horse horse tiger tiger

meaning: something that is so-so, mediocre

鸡飞狗跳 (ji fei gou tiao) = chicken fly dog jump

meaning: as a last resort, one may resort to crazy/desperate actions

车水马龙 (che shui ma long) = car water horse dragon

meaning: a bustling, lively street scene

鸡飞蛋打 (ji fei dan da) = chicken fly egg hit

meaning: to try to salvage something that is beyond saving

掩耳盗铃 (yan er dao ling) = cover ear steal ring

meaning: when trying to deceive others, one only deceives himself

人山人海 (ren shan ren hai) = people mountain people sea

meaning: people are everywhere

好啊好学天天向上 (hao hao xue xi tian tian xiang shang) = good good study day day up

meaning: daily study will bring daily progress

Lastly, I'd like to share with you some of my favorite Chinese words. A unique feature of the Chinese language that lends itself to some great literal translations lies in the nature of how the language is set up: each character represents a one-syllable sound, and each character/syllable generally will have a unique meaning. For simple words, one character/syllable is enough. For example: 猫 (mao) = cat, 盘 (pan) = plate, and 书 (shu) = book. For more complex words, two characters will be combined, even more complex words would use three characters....you get the idea. 

So the fun comes with translating literally the more complex words. What follows is a brief list of some of my favorite Chinese words when translated literally:

火车 (huo che) = fire car = train

飞盘 (fei pan) = fly plate = frisbee

飞机 (fei ji) = fly machine = plane

电话 (dian hua) = electric talk = telephone

电脑 (dian nao) = electric brain = computer

手机 (shou ji) = hand machine = cellphone

火鸡 (huo ji) = fire chicken = turkey

Hilarious. 

Of course, when the Chinese say "火车" they aren't thinking "fire car"--they're thinking "train" and it's the same for all these words. But that doesn't change that fact the the Chinese word for turkey literally translates as "fire chicken." How could you not be amused? 

(Tame) lions and (out of place) tigers and (habituated) bears, oh my!

Last weekend I went to the Qinhuangdao Wildlife Park with a former student and his father. Essentially a zoo boasting a pseudo-safari element as the main attraction, it was everything you would expect from the zoo of a mid-sized city in a developing country. It was a place I had never intended to go, both out of a desire to avoid the inevitable depression that comes with seeing majestic animals in not-so-majestic living conditions, and because I simply knew the place would leave me with much to desire. I don’t mean to be snooty, it’s just that I’ve had the great fortune to experience many privileged things that obliterate a trip to the zoo in any country, including an actual two-and-a-half day safari at Maasai Mara National Reserve in Kenya. Even watching Planet Earth tops 80% of the zoos I’ve seen. But this former student was excited about taking me to the zoo, and his father had some guanxi with a few employees there, so we were sure to get some perks.

So we went. 

There’s a lot I could say, but won't--you already know what this zoo was probably like. For clarity’s sake, I will point out that even the U.S. has some pretty suspect zoos and circuses, lest you feel compelled to conclude that this zoo is a microcosm of China’s current level of development, or much worse, an appropriate metric by which to declare China “inferior” to the U.S. 

False. 

You cannot compare these two incredibly different countries so easily. Not that I’m condoning, in any way, some of the egregious issues I’ve discovered during my time here, and not that I'm forgetting some of the most pressing issues that desperately need to be addressed successfully, but I would be remiss if I let you think “sizing up” China is that simple. And let us not forget: for a country that is among the most developed in the world, the U.S. has plenty of shameful problems of its own (not that I did as much as I should have to be a part of the solution though...). 

The truth is, China is a country that has undergone development at a pace that defies convention, for better or for worse, and while the country has certainly come a long way in some areas, it should be no surprise that there are still many significant hurdles to clear. However disheartening, ensuring appropriate and humane conditions in the zoo of a third-tier city is just not high on the list at this point.

So just enjoy the post for what is it: another story that helps highlight my experience living here in China, which is the point of this blog anyway. Enjoy:

The monkey house: viewing windows for the cages were located on the right side. My Chinese friend/former student made a few comments to me regarding the conditions of the cages--the lackluster facilities were just as apparent and discouraging to him.

The red panda was undeniably endearing and cuddly-looking. I honestly wondered why you don't see more plush red pandas adorning the beds of little children around the world.

Of course there was a sign like this. 

One of the lions seen on the "safari," which was little more than a large enclosed area with some lions where you could drive your car (yes, drive your own car) to catch a closer glimpse.

In the next safari enclosure, about eight tigers held residence. They were notably more active than their sedentary African neighbors. 

If patrons wish, they can purchase a chicken or a goat to feed to the tigers. Just out of frame is (what I assumed to be) the zookeeper's truck where the chicken, seen here in the tiger's jaws, was released out the window seconds before. The live chicken lasted literally three or four seconds before the tiger caught up to it. 

A dispute between these two tigers erupted as a result of the aforementioned chicken and one tiger's reluctance to share. Hearing the growl of two full-grown tigers as they fight 50 feet from your car is humbling. Even more humbling is the idea that you're just sitting there in your private car, in this tiger enclosure, with no significant safety or security (that I saw) other than your own vehicle. If I wanted to get out of the car and pet the tiger, no one was going to stop me. 

The next enclosure contained these gentle (i.e., domesticated)-looking bears. While I certainly could be wrong, these particular bears looked about as harmless as a sack of potatoes, but that gave them an endearing quality. I wanted to make friends with them. 

I doubt this trusting passivity would exist so prevalently in the wild--the bears would likely be too timid or shy to venture this close to humans (unprovoked, of course). The gentle confidence with which they immediately approached our car (located about five feet from the fence you see) strongly suggested their habituation to humans. 

Clearly, the zoo had few qualms about large, wild animals and their common propensity for aggression--the wires you see there are the only thing that remains between you and the bears. While these bears appeared fairly benign (and I'm sure there were), I can't say that the lions or tigers would be. Interestingly, this fence in the bear enclosure is much more than what the lion and tiger enclosures boasted. My guess is that these friendly guys would wander right up to your car to get food if they could, and maybe that wouldn't be entirely desirable since they are, after all, large bears. 

They were quite adept at catching food the members of our party tossed their way, and it's no surprise why: it appears that many parties that pass through the zoo come prepared with food of many sorts to give to any of the animals. The zoo as a whole boasted little in the way of professional zookeepers or attendants. Left almost entirely unsupervised, many people probably did what they felt like doing, which in this case was giving these bears bits of apple. 

Whether this species of bear behaves this way in the wild, or this particular group of bears has learned that this behavior is advantageous when encountering humans with food, these gentle creatures showed a habit of standing on their hind-legs and sticking out their arms as if to say, "Hit me with that apple--I'm open." While I enjoyed the close encounter, I was a little depressed at the thought of these giant creatures relegated to a life of begging food from zoo patrons. 

The trip was as I expected, and I did enjoy seeing tigers and bears at such close range, albeit under some unnatural contexts. To be honest though, I didn't want to give this zoo my business. Then I realized that I actually hadn't: my friend's father used his guanxi to get us in for free. But then the more startling realization hit: maybe the zoo is in this state in the first place because it's very possible that many people don't pay to get in. Then again, it's also very possible that the zoo would remain in its present state regardless.  

I suppose there are tougher questions that flow out of this: does my lack of patronage to businesses in China such as this zoo actually do anything to discourage/disallow poor business (i.e., moral and ethical) practices? Or does it simply mean that the business will just have to cut that many more corners to make profit? And would increased business and patronage really turn the company into a better, higher-quality one, or will it just put even more money in the owners' pockets without necessitating change within the business? 

Consumer awareness is a whole different game in China, and I am beginning to wonder whether a consumer in this country really does have the power to "vote with his or her money"--but that's a game many have never heard of, even in the U.S. Perhaps I am naive to hope that someday a Chinese business that operates maliciously, or at the least dishonestly, will cease to exist. I suppose I can only wait to see. In this rapidly changing country, nothing seems unimaginable. 

French Fries, the student

A new semester brings many new things. In this case, as many of you have anxiously awaited, a new list of ridiculous/awesome student names. 

Looking back over the previous two semesters' lists (seen here and here), I have noticed a slight progression towards the crazy and ludicrous (relatively speaking, of course). Perhaps, as my initial pep and enthusiasm has worn down a bit, I haven't continued to instill them with a sense that their chosen name should be the epitome of class and grandeur and that it represents their generation. Not that I ever really did that, but at least I used to try and guide their choices (which usually meant I simply told them that they shouldn't choose a ridiculous name like the ones they are prone to choose). But I soon realized the fruitlessness of this (an especially ironic word, given that many students ignore my "wisdom" and choose a fruit name like Apple, Cherry, or Grape) and now simply let the pieces fall where they may. Yes, I could tell them they must choose a different name upon hearing the "name" they've chosen for themselves, but I don't. B-Dawg and Blue Baby are just too much fun to say. 

Another trend I've noticed (as have the other teachers, a few school leaders, and upperclass students) is that the general level of English of incoming students has been steadily decreasing. This comes as no surprise, as the school continues to lower the standards of admission to bring in more students (i.e., more money). As my observation of this trend continues, I think I could make a graph to plot what has become another apparent trend: the lower the level of English for the student, the more likely they seem to choose a "unique" name. There are definite exceptions, of course: the vast majority of the 300+ students I teach, regardless of English level, still choose a standard English name. Conversely, some of my top students have chosen some of the more interesting and amusing names. For example, Bob. Bob was wonderful to teach last Spring and is still one of my favorite students. You should also note that Bob is a girl. 

The truth is, for most of the students I teach, my Oral English class is the one semester of English these students will really have (at least where they will need an English name). After their semester with me, their English name will be irrelevant, unused, forgotten. A few of the students (and often the ones with the most ridiculous of the ridiculous names) won't even come to class after that first week or two--it's almost like they know they're going down, so they might as well go down in flames. For most of the students though, there is no consequence outside of my class for the name they choose, so why not have a little fun? I've learned that they're going to choose that absurd name if that's what they want, so I won't try to fight it. And I've also learned that life, for all of us, is just that much better when I have the joy of calling on Pizza or French Fries to answer my questions. No one laughs when I call on Wendy or Sarah. 

For a more in-depth explanation of why many students choose the interesting names they do, plus the Spring 2011 names list, check here. For the Fall 2010 list, click here. Now without further delay, your day's bliss:

Names so common that I am no longer phased

Happy

Apple

Snow

Rain

Candy

Cherry

Coco

Smile

Seven

Ice

Icey

Icy

Names conceived while hungry

Salad

Pizza

Cocoa

Turkey

Ice Cream

Hamburger

French Fries

Tiramisu

Banana
Rasine (pronounced raisin) 

Names that should not be

Cloris

Mooya

Dats

Tob

Names that cannot be

atRose

Naix

Jcinta

So close

Kete

Levin

Vincy

Vivn

Kames

Dommy

Names that can be declarations

Done
Never

Students with competing names and the one student who will have to choose between them

Nokia

Motorola

Businessman

Boys with girl names

Helen

Names that are actually titles

Major

Diva

Names similar to what they had, right there in River City (and it starts with ‘D’ and that rhymes with ‘P’ and that stands for ‘Pool’) 

Double

Names that evoke the Care Bears-esque perpetual bliss of our childhood 

Miracle

Shinee

Cupid

Angel Baby

Eden

Dream

Dreamy

Memory

Sweet

Lucky Q

Purple

Air

Names that evoke the bleak, post-apocalyptic world from Terminator II  

Arrow

Somnus (x2) (A god of the ancient Roman pantheon, residing in the Underworld) 

Blue

Burning 

Silence (x2)

Windy

And there you have it. A longer list this time, but not bad considering I teach over 300 students a term. I'll take that. 

One more thing before you go: I've thought that it'd be nice for you to see some of my students, since you've certainly heard about them. The first ten photos are actually from last Spring when I took each class to the beach near campus. The last two are actually from last night: I invited some former students to come to my apartment and play Bingo. Total riot. I love these students.  

How a two-year-old changed China

The depth of our brokenness never fails to amaze me. We kill, steal, cheat, and destroy. We plunder our own humanity in the name of wealth, power, and comfort. And then we mine the depths looking for an even deeper abyss, as if we haven't gone deep enough. 

Such thoughts are on the hearts, minds, and lips of the Chinese nation as they collectively struggle to make sense of what has to be, in their minds, the most poignant and utterly disturbing example of just how cold their society has apparently become.

I'm talking, of course, about the tragic story of Wang Yue. In case you're in the dark about this heart-wrenching story, Wang Yue is the two-year-old whose untimely death became the center of a national crisis of conscience, morality, and humanity. Just over two weeks ago, Wang Yue's sad fate forever changed the nation of China when she was seriously injured by a hit-and-run driver in her hometown of Foshan, Guangdong Province. Unable to move from the road herself and her parents unaware of the situation, the small child was injured a second time by another hit-and-run driver. But it wasn't even the second hit-and-run driver's actions that spurred the greatest cry from Chinese citizens--it was the 18 passers-by who neglected to help her--and callously so, it seems--as she approached death. Only when an elderly garbage-picking woman (a position placed among the lower rungs of Chinese society) carried the girl to a safe place and called emergency help did the girl receive any aid. Wang Yue succumbed to her injuries in the hospital a week later. (The entire incident was caught on video, which you can access here. I can't even bring myself to watch it. It's just something I will never be able to digest.) 

At this point, one is tempted to make a myriad of generalized accusations and assumptions about Chinese culture and society. Every country has its share of problems, and like any such case, we must avoid figer-pointing and ask ourselves the deeper question: what kind of cultural and societal norms can allow for such an incident? Certainly, the Chinese are asking. I would be remiss if I didn't make it abundantly clear to you that the Chinese people are the most torn, disgusted, and demoralized of anyone by this incident. Millions and millions of Chinese have voiced their angst and disillusionment through the internet. And if what I read online from Chinese netizens isn't concrete enough, my students' faces convey what words cannot: broken, shattered hearts from a society that they see heading further into the depths while they feel completely powerless to stop it. 

And so an entire country has begun some serious soul-searching. As egregious as the Wang Yue case is, the more troubling reality is that it is only the latest in a series of national incidents where a devastating lack of Good Samaritans has indicated a troubling trend. While this and other such stories are horrific and uncommon in their scale, the underlying problems are not limited to these rare cases. The pervasive sense among Chinese that the country severely lacks Good Samaritans is an endemic crisis that certainly every person in China, including myself and the other expats I know, has encountered personally on at least one occasion but usually more. 

As outsiders to Chinese society and culture, our lack of understanding can easily lead us to several conclusions, the least of which is to inaccurately conclude that China is a land bereft of any human decency. I can personally attest that this is far from the truth. However, there is a distressing abundance of indifference for one's fellow man, and it is this issue that I hope to address in future posts. 

In my time in China, I have poured countless hours into the understanding of this particular issue--the apparent lack of Good Samaritans and the troubling abundance of indifferent bystanders--and in light of the Wang Yue story I can think of no better time than now to share with you the fascinating insights I've gleaned from hours and hours of reading books, blogs, articles, and talking to my Chinese friends and students. 

So my purpose in this post is two-fold, I suppose: to share with you this tragic case and the Chinese response to it, and to inform you that I want to spend a significant chunk of time writing about this topic so that you can better understand the complex climate that can produce such things as this. So stay tuned. I do have a few other quick posts I want to get out of the way first, but then I plan to dive head-first into this and pump out several posts on the topic in hopes that you can avoid simply writing-off China as a gaping hole that floods the world's attempts at staying morally afloat.